this few day, i might seem alright.. fine, or watever it is.. im just trying to be alright, in the day, making myself tired so i can so sleep early in the night. 6days pass since u leave me. day by day im feeling even more sad, more miserable. im trying so hard to asking u come back to me, but no matter how and wat i do, u just don wan. im glad that ur doing things to make me smile, but what actually will make me smile.. is u, my dear. i dono how, i donno when.. come back hao ma. hai.. im just feeling, so sad now.. everynight been thinking of hte same thing, im very tired le. what a long nightmare im having now. hai..
Thursday, July 24, 2008
i cant fall aslp, alot things being in my mind turning. i know alot thing.. but just.. nvm..
thx leon, benig there to hear me cry in the phone, hear wats inside my heart.. i really thx when this few days, i need someone, you will be there for me. if don have you, i donno how im going to release all, who to talk to. thx bro. really thx. theres nth i can say out that how much i treasure our brotherhood. so when u need me, i will be there too=)
thx rubbish bin always be the one who letting me throw all my rubbish to you to clear my mind. all the advice and thing. thx
thx ant to being so nice to accompany me the night when ur tired.
thx jeff, serene and eugene also be there to support me to help me. always help me talk to her when i realy need help.
to all the people here, one bow... from my heart. i treasure ur all. im touched for whatever u all do for me. im grad that i have you all being with me all the time..
i just cant help myself from crying. no matter how much im trying to cheer myself up, how hard im trying to smile. i just cant stop thinking of her. guess, she already someone who is so important in my life le. i just cant pull myself out le.. its too deep le. the tears i roll down my cheek, is countless.. too much for me to really count. ='(
if time can roll back.. if i can change thing.. i will do wat i can to let u don leave me. what happen ytd, what happen in the 1month 8days.. it will be, always in my mind. to be the best memories for my life. the effort you put in, i see it with my eyes. the video u do, the choco u bought for me, the photo, all the changes.. ring, and the thing i don like that u change. thx. if i can say, kelly ang wan ning. ur definitely the best...
i cant stop crying now, sorry for those who care for me. im just worthless for ur care. let me be ba.. im tha stupid.. im that silly. thats me.. i donno how long this nightmare will end. i just hope one day, when i wake up. you will be, by my side. once again, i can call u baby and say i love u.
im nt the alouis u all know le. just somehow, the smile i had. gone.... the cheerful side i had, gone... the joker side i had, gone...
sending u to sch, lying on my shoulder, holding to my hand, kiss sending you back home. its a thing im doing since im with you. today we did the same thing too.. im happy ever since we broke up.. we r doing this like before.. times is like going back to the past time.. when we still tog like a little happy couple.. but today, its different.. the more happy i feel inside me, more sadness is within me. there are things missing. im feeling so down u know... i want to kiss u whenever i wan.. i wan to hold ur hand when ever i wan... but just, i cant.. loneliness inside me is getting huge that i cant hide it anymore. i really deep in love with u, when u smile, i smile deep in my heart too... i just wanna keep u with me.. like nvr before.. when i walked behind u. i gt the urge to hug u and say don leave me.. when i look into ur eyes. i gt the urge to kiss u and keep u with me. when i see your hand.. i gt the urge to hold you tight and nvr let go.. theres so many urge i want to do. i just don have the courage. how sad i can be.. the distance seem so near but yet is far till i cant reach. 4days le.. 96hs of life without u is meaningless, full of pain, sadness and loneliness. just now when you when home, when the lift door closing, my heart cried.... i just wan to hug u like how i do in the past.. god, i don hope for much you know.. i don care in the past, how much hurt i had. how much sadness i been through. finally, i found the 1 im looking for, but why the fate is pulling us away from each other.. if can, just take away anything from me, in exchange her back to my side forever.. im willing to change it.. anything.. pls, im begging u god. let her back to me.. let her be my baby again.. let her be the 1 i dote i hold i kiss again.
today was kinda disappointed i think, after so hard to ask out. i was looking forward that i can spend time with her alone. to have dinner, to look at her and stuff.. and just a short 2hours. hai.. ? baby can you feel how much i want u? why u still hesitating? why u still don wan come back to me? u bear to see how down and terrible im now? come back to me.. just 1 word yes will do =( i love u more then anything else in this world.. hai
im that kind of person.. i only know how to blame, hai. but why u think i will keep saying.. ou know why ppl will side me? ii agreed, u have ur reason.. u have ur problem. but this isnt the way u should do this know.. theres so many other way my girl.. u think if this give jeff he will do this? if eugene they will do this? they wont. thats why they wan to help us.. but nt siding anyside. since the day we brk, i onl know how to blame u... im sry.. just treat as,ur ex is bad.. im only a little better then him.. im nt the greatest, im nt the best.. im just someone, who love u that deep.
just, take care.
sign off, alouis.. ur boy
Monday, July 21, 2008
im tired le, im tired of crying le... im serious having headache now.. i just wan to let go everything, go to someplace where no people and drink all i wan.. anyone want to follow me?
even im tired, i wont let go, i will hold u tight and nvr let go... becoz i love u
anyone can really explain to me what is love? whats make the bond of the couple stronger?
i always thought love is by showing the love by loving her as much as u can showing the concern by being xi xin enough to take care of everything showing the care by being nervous or worry about her of every single little thing showing her the smile u have showing her how much you willing to do for her.
since ytd she told me about breaking up, i cant slp.. i cant eat. totally no appetite, being forcing myself to eat some bread and tibits. in the end still cannot finish.. i tried to drink, but by only left abit in the bottle.. so it just aint enough for me to get drunk and slp. The night seem so long and lonely without u. most of the time, im looking at the sky crying, trying to find the side of where sk is. im being stupid, isnt? finally, fall aslp for 10min. but i dream about u.. in the same room, same bed, same blanket.. ur lying beside me.. slping peacefully.. ur smiling so sweetly that can melt my heart anytime.. suddenly u woke up, saw im looking at u, u just hold my head down and give me a kiss.. by happening so much, this is the best i bad for ytd till now. 10min isnt long.. i wish i can be in the dream forever. even i died, it doesnt matter.. but, by facing the fact, i woke up.. the frist thing i did is look into the blanket and search for u.. ur nt there... i cried. the world saying singapore is so small on the map.. but in fact, the distance of it on the start to the end its far. we seem so near to each other, but.. i cant feel u.. by writing these, my heart feels so sour.. my eyes full of tears..
my fren being telling me, nvr see i so sad b4.. they ask me worth it or nt.. no matter how mnay times they asked me.. it will be the same answer, for her, its definitely worth it.. becoz the love i have for her its too deep for me to pull out le..
kelly ang wan ning.. i love u
every couple in the world sure have their obstacles stopping them to be bond better or move forward.. there is alot of ways facing the obs.. like, run away from them? don face them? or face it tog as a couple. theres many ways of doing these.. i agreed that alot couple will chose the way of don face it and leave each other. but do you ever think there so many couple that they face the obs tog and overcome it? this is how their love and bond become stronger. because the process of it make them become stronger.. they feel when they face difficulties, the other side will be with them, facing the problem tog by nt running away. then why we can do so? you say u care for me, thats why u leave me. u scare of this, u scare of that. what i can say is my love toward u, able to let me overcome everything in this world. im definitelly is the guy who u can rely on. who u can support on. u worth my love i always know that for sure. my love, my effort, my care, my concern and my smile. its all living for you only.. without u, they will be gone.. without u the one who holds the key to my heart, my locked heart will be locked forever. only you can enter my heart, and i don allow u to leave without my permittion. you say, if u will hurt me in the future when we r both deeper in this, why nt hurt me now when the hurt will be lesser.. you cant say that unless u can predict future.. u nvr know whats goijng to happen in the future, but you just give up now. did i tell u before? "the past let it past, cherish the present, don create the future by using ur past, if that the way.. that is not future anymore. it is repeating the history" pls, continue create our future tog, and get rid of the past tog.. becoz i noe, you will be in my future... let try it again, by giving me a chance, giving u a chance, giving us a chance.. and give alely a chance.. The thing ur doing now, its nt worth it. i really love u, i really do
I'm fucking pissed now! you there. although u wont use internet but i don care how . if u somehow read this.. just watched ur back cb.. u dare u touch her 1 more time.. i will let ur hand brk. wanna try me.. u can..
still rmb during secondary school times.. studies, sports or other thing wasn't a problem to me. i was champ for this champ for that... glory days right.. i though when im in poly.. things will be the same .. yea.. on the first few month.. things was what im expecting.. i got into rp basketball team... starter 5 for youth cup.. i though im dreaming too.. but im nt.. the following 2yr++ can say its a nightmare ba. i failed this i failed that.. now im a potencial yr5 student. haha. i make up my mind to come sch.. in the end, its just more disappointment.. things just get on my way.. i wanted to go sch.. i did.. but, in the end.. the earlies i woke up is.. 9?? like baby say i can wake up for fetching her sch. i cant wake up for sch.. im feeling so disappointed to myself le.. wtf im doing. wtf im saying.. wtf im promising.. ppl that always give me morning call.. nvr called again. they though i always cant wake up..
I NEED PPLS TO GIVE ME MORNING CALL.. WHO WILLING? I NEED ALOT PPL.
and the other thing.. ytd i just smoke my last stick of cig. and i decided nt to touch that anymore.. i will try my best.. i don wan my rs to wavering anymore..
morning call morning call anyone? or i should get myself 10 alram clock.. becoz my phone alarm clock cant wake me up anymore.. hai.. today is the most disappointed day.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
my baby make a video for me on our first month ani.. very happy.. i am really touched.. i tear.. becoz wat u did for me to show u love me. thx baby.. love
first of all... Happy first month, baby!!!!!! after we gone through so much in such a short time that other couple wont go through... My love towards you is getting stronger and stronger, like what i always said.. i really wana thx baby for nt giving me up, and still holding me tight.. ur the 1 who hold the key to my locked heart. If u leave me, my heart willbe locked forever.. ur the only one who can enter my heart now. so, no matter what, don leave me and continue be my only support for me..
at first, im so immature. saying u flirting ard.. say u never think in my shoe of how will i feel.. but then, im the one who always nvr think in ur shoe of what exactly you are feeling. i keep all these in my heart, by saying its okay to you. just wanna make u happy by that. but i was wrong.. no matter how much i letting u go do the thing u wanna do, i still cant change the sad feeling in my heart. i temp to find ppl to tell them what i feel but not you. after the last quarrel we have.. i finally woke up from my immaturity.. its almost too late to wake up becoz at that time.. u almost give up on me and leave me. i regretted.. i regretted on how im treating u and what im thinking in my heart. thx to jeff. im able to wake up. im telling myself, what for to change into someone who keep thing inside themself, someone who don smile like last time. someone who always being so sad.. someone who can bring happiness but sadness to u.
i've changed.. not the new me anyomre.. i've changed to the old alouis who attract kelly last time.. the old alouis always sillying smiling for no reason. the old alouis..... did u feel my love? did u feel my effort? baby ytd ask me what i wan tml... if really wan to say.. what i wan for tml is.... i want back the love u lost toward me.. the strong feeling u once had before.. I LOVE U.. JE'T AIME WO AI NI
LASTLY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JEFF TEE BO SON. THX FOR BEING THERE WHEN I NEED SOMEONE ALWAYS..
sat went to melvin brother's(alex) chalet.. meet leon and melvin at outram then headed there straight. i will go part of the reason is becoz baby have chalet over there too. hahah.=D reach downtown.. the first thing is went to meet baby over at her chalet, follow her to cheer bought some stuff.. pass her the shirt and her fav brownie, then i went to alex's chalet for bbq and drinking. first 10min, 3cans down.. haha.. the night was okay la.. slack, mj, blackjack talk cock.. and look for baby when free.. after that gt kinda heavy headache then went to slp.
the next day, me leon des went to bowling. wa kan.. lost to them.. i cant believe man.. ( photo will be uploaded) then headed to jurong west to help my mum.. go help her just like doing 3days of gym.. i cant belive i alone carried so many stuff down(photo will be upload). and get kinda pissed by that.. nvm.. lazy explain.. then headed home...
tday i was late from sch la, ytd too tired.. fall alsp without setting alarm. woke up at 9, called baby. she was late also.. haha. so went to bath and stuff.. reach sch ard 11.. after ut when to meet baby to eat.. then send her home.. after that................................................................................................................................................................................ ............................ then go home.. reach home kinda late.. and im kinda tired now.. hahah
1 more day will be the big day for me.. im looking forward for that day.. 1st month.. =D =D after been holding on so tightly no matter wat happen.. ur still mine. and im happy.. i love u baby.. i can feel that this few day we r getting better.. do u feel so? love u........
ever since our first and but the last quarrel, everything had seem to change. the distance between us drift far.. the feeling between seem cold.. we tog for 22days.. theres how many day i really make u happy and nt quarrel? i was hurting u all the while.. but nvr once u give up on me.. u say im been the one who keep giving in.. but think... baby, ur always giving in to me by staying by my side when we quarrel ar.. i nvr give up on our r/s becoz i really love u.. im willing to give up anything.. just to safe our r/s..
always rmb, no matter what happen, no matter what u do.. im always there, at ur side, for u... forever..
always your baby, on the other hand. u are always my baby too.. I LOVE YOU
you know how important fate is.. sometime, fate can really matters and bring 2 ppl together.. on the bbq day, i already being noticing u le.. keep peeping on u... finding chance to play with u.. but what if, one of us decided nt to go for the bbq?? we know be so much knowing each other??
open house, im so happy i can see u there... every single thing do with u, kinda make my heart beat go faster. is all about u.. but wat if, again, one of us decided nt to go for open hse? will us even know each other??
if i nvr go find ur freiendster and add u msn.. will thing be litat now? will we become lover? will u fall for me? will u feel sad everytime? will u feel angry and disappointed with me everytime?
there is so many of will... too many le.. its all about 2 word 'fate' and 'love'..
ppl always ask what is love. why love can bring someone so high and so low? happiness and sadness? smile and tears? stupidnes and silliness? you cant really explain the word love even u read through the whole dictionary. love is so magical that will totally change a person to another person instance.. this sec u can see someone so happily, but the next sec u might be crying.
you always asked me why do i love u so much and how. like i told u, if love can be so easy explain by words. thats is nt true words from heart le... its just how a person entertain what is a love.. The feeling in my heart toward u, cant be explain.. i cant find any word to put it in. i just know, i love u. i really do.. i know ur the 1 for me.. my feeling towards u, its getting deeper and deeper...
this 3 days is really a hell to me.. my heart is crying.. nt becoz of anything else but becoz of the state we r now.. its all becoz of me. at times, i really do stupid things without thinking that make me hate myself.. i just feel like giving me a hard slap if that can make u feel better.. i willing to do anything to save our r/s. i mean anything..
do u know U and I look so near from ur keyboard, but its actually far apart from A-Z.. =( i just wish to pull U and I closer to each other. the hidden string i tie to ur heart its gonna to snap soon becoz we r too far apart le.. baby, don leave me. don treat me cold.. don sad becoz of me..
i miss u, i need u, most importantally i love u. ur my everything now.. losing u will be a great impact to my life.. =(
sometimes im really donno wat im thinking thou.. i want u to be happy to do ur own thing, but deep inside my heart is so unhappy that u did those. im just bring it over with "no ar nth","okay" or whatever it is. then in the end i hurt u with my stupid action, stupid words and my stupid feeling inside my heart... last time i say to u, i donno wat ur thinking.. maybe me myself is the 1 i don uns and thinking ba.. haha. how cb and fuck up i can be when i hurt someone i love and love me. i promise u i will give u the best, didnt i. but seem now im giving u the worse or even worst.
sry baby, i sucked to the max.. T.T
p.s: even i read through the whole dictionary, i also cant find any word to explain how much i love u..
i hurt ur heart. im sry. hai.. i love u.. i really do=(
am i always your sorrow? ur sadness? did i always making u sad?? by saying thing i shouldnt say. or i should keep it in my heart and don say? i just know i love u. hai
r u thinking for me? did u think how im feeling everytime? if u don. give urself 5-10min think and feel..
Thursday, July 3, 2008
ytd i didnt get to slp, want to go sk pei baby go sch.. haha so in the end, im so tired now.. lol.. today in sch, is just acc her and 1 more thing... slp... =x. my class ppl just called me pig. irritating.. hahahah
later gt ut.. so blog till here ba.. seeya~~ i miss gf, i love gf, i need you..
hi all, how long i didnt blog and online le.. like 2 weeks lo.. days without lap top and msn is so terrible la. today went to ITRC to loan a fujitsu lap top.. wait for baby and send her home. is kinda sway lo.. bus spoil when we r on the expressway.. have to wait for so long for the shuttle bus.. in the end, me and baby seat r so far away la.. hahaha, sad. no sch today, went to sengkang fetch baby to sch and stay outside cypher rm slp and slack. do a video for baby, hope she will really like it la.. =D so, baby do u like it? i do it with all my love and heart de hoz. hahaha..
baby: thx for the support u give me, for being my support when i need u, whenever i need u, u will be there. i don wan to lose u, so u must promise don ever leave me. <3
leon: things happen le, let it go. at lease u tried, at lease u have no regrats le ma. one day, the right 1 will be there for u. and don fuck care about the backstab people. bro support u =D
desmond -rp baller: i know i always giving empty promises about the stuff, but sometimes isnt i don wan, is i cant. i don wish to lose our frenship and our bond for the basketball team. from my heart, im sry.
melvin:thx for always be so steady and so nice to me. i cherish our brotherhood
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